The Fifth Saga of Migglezimblatt and Jimblewix the Wombats and Others

However, the comet bounced off Jupiter, and he returned a mere 5 years later only to find...

He'd missed the party. However he was in time for World War III, so he got off where Belgium had been, since it was no longer highly radioactive, but since there was nothing there, no-one was particulary likely to nuke it.

However there were a load of OzzyPiss^TM swigging ozzies who'd been tipped off about Miggy's imminent return, and wanted to have "a little chat" with him.

"Gulp!" thought Miggy and fainted.

Fortunately, at that moment Jimblewix and his Bionic Wombat* also turned up and trod on the ozzies. Unfortunately Miggy was still comatose so Jimbles went out for a drink with his friends from GTV.

Unfortunately they were in Belgium, so to get some decent lager they had to go back to Australia.

So half an hour later they were on the plane, chatting to a politics student who had been researching WWIII. It being half an hour later, WWIII was over, all the bombs had been dropped, in fact all of them had been dropped on Russia, the USA and China (it was a weekend, so no-one else had bothered to join in)...

Unfortunately, someone in China had once had a very unpleasant experience at Watford Gap Service Station, and had reserved several bombs just to for there. The multiple explosions had weakened a hitherto unknown-of fault in the bedrock, and a crack had opened up all the way across England from the Wash to the Bristol Channel.

Even as Jimblewix and GTV flew south again, the whole of the south of England drifted slightly south, and hit France with a thud. This annoyed a lot of euro-sceptics but meant that the Channel Tunnel was a lot more handy because it now came up 22 miles nearer to London.

Unfortunately, some little oriental chappie in south-east asia, mistook the jumbo jet Jimbles and GTV were travelling in for a cruise missile. So he shot it down. Fortunately Jimbles stepped out just before it impacted on a rather hard mountain, and was OK. (You know, like they do in the cartoons...)

What could Jimbles do now? Here he was surrounded by bits of Jumbo jet, bits of various GTV people, and a lifetime's supply of british Airways food. It was at this time that the rechargable battery in his rather snazzy little Sony WM-102 walkman went dead.

"DEAD" it said...

This surprised Jimbles, it also surprised the battery, so much so in fact that it curled up into a little ball and went off and sulked.

What else could possibly go wrong?

The GTV started a documentary about the other survivors, but couldn't find anyone literate to write the script.

So they decided not to have any sound. Then they realised they hadn't got any VT either.

Fortunately a wombat in dark glasses who had also been a passenger pointed out that they could re-use the film from the in-flight movie before setting off with his rather nice-looking blonde companion (who was wearing a blue hat marked Moonbase) to find the nearest beach bar, which since since the plane had crashed in Tibet was probably quite a long way...

Meanwhile, back in Belgium...

There was a hideous flash

A terrible noise

And NUS conference appeared when Brussels had been...

And some mysterious creature with long white hair started making odd sheep noises...

Punctuated by cries of .....

          * E * X * T * E * R * M * I * N * A * T * E * ! *

Needless to say, Miggy got out of there as fast as possible and went for a holiday in Blackpool, which was now safe from conferences as its conference hall had mysteriously disappeared...

When suddenly NUS Conference materialised on top of him. He wasn't going to get away that easily.

There followed an expensive weekend of travelling for MZ, but everywhere he went the conference would materialise.

"Odd..." thought Migglezimblatt, and went for a paddle in the newly relocated English Channel, at the new seaside town of Milton Keynes.

Then for the first time in this saga Miggy fainted.

He fainted because NUS Conference suddenly appeared from under the ocean rather like the bit where the Titanic is raised in "Raise the Titanic".

When he woke up again it was Monday evening and NUS conference had finished, the delegates had all gone back to their universities to rant and rave about it all to people who didn't know what the f*ck they were on about, and didn't care much either.

The conference centre had gone back to Blackpool too.

So he fell asleep again.

He woke up to find himself making a point of order:

Which was that conference suspend standing orders for 20 mins so that conference could all go to Conrad's wedding...

Miggy then said...

"Why don't you fuck off Gavin"

He looked around the conference hall. Battle lines were being drawn. SWSS had just occupied the platform, and groups of angry welshmen were wandering around...

No he didn't, because the conference was over, it was just a dream.

Then he woke up and found he was back at the seaside, with a nice cool bottle of Newky Brown Ale beside him.

Then he woke up again.

He was suddenly assailed by a large group of people. Miggy thought that putting on a T-shirt entitled "STUDENT CONSERVATIVE SOCIETY" was a bad idea...

So he went back to sleep.

Despite the fact that he was being castrated...

"aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" he said.

Despite the fact that it was not the first time*...

There was sudden blinding flash and a horrendous noise and a light drizzle from the north west that seems to accompany so many momentous ocassions.

"AaaaaaRRRRGGGGHHHH!" cried Miggy, who didn't care because the above events were happening on a totally different planet.

"Aaaaaeeeeerrrrkkkkkkkkk!"

"Nnnnggggoooooooofffffnnnnnnnnkkkkkk!"

Miggy was suddenly free, and started chasing after the revolutionary communist with his testes.

When suddenly the universe was put into PAUSE mode.

Then the universe came out of pause mode.

MZ had just got his possessions back from the communist when he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder. He looked round, and saw a big man in a camouflage jacket wearing a black balaclava.

"I'm Colonel Fogwash of the SAS, and you're nicked."

Miggy was put in a diplomatic bag and flown in a helicopter back to Broom to see Prof Garotte about a) his multics virus and b) the fact that he was about to get the lowest mark ever recorded in his prolog/C programming course.

"Take a look at this," rumbled Prog. G, difficult for Miggy as he was still in the diplomatic bag. The Prof switched on his Falco^TM terminal and the following banner was displayed:

 Multics 11.0o: University of Broom (channel d.h057)
 Load = 35.2 out of 200.0 units: users = 0, 06/22/88  1049.7 gmt Wed
 *** Don't bother trying to log in, multics is now in S*E*R*F control ***

Meanwhile, back in Tibet, Jimbles was trying to do the Independent crossword...

Meanwhile back in prof G's office:

"Gulp!" said Miggy

and fainted...

Meanwhile back in Tibet, Jimblewix got 22 across. It was: "antipodean".

But he was really stuck with 7 down.

After a lot of though he came up with "marsupial"

Then he started to look at 15 across. Suddenly the telephone rang. [f/x Ring ring ring ring]

Jimblewix went to answer the phone. On lifting the reciever, he was suddenly hit by a high-pitched noise. Upon pondering this noise, at that very moment, a package came through the door.

He opened the package, and saw a very old Tesco's plastic bag with some white powder in the bottom. Jimblewix shook his head, and went back to the phone which was still whining at him.

When suddenly he glanced at the Tesco's bag again, and realised it must be a carrier tone... [f/x grrroan...]

Jimblewix connected up his ancient VDT~0 terminal and...

Suddenly a hairy monster leapt up from the wreckage of the plane he was sitting in (we'd forgotten that, hadn't we?) and said...

"Aha! I am the evil flapjack monster, and I have come to eat all your flapjack!!!"
"Erk" replied Jimblewix
"If you don't hand over all your flapjack right now I'll chop you up into little bits and feed you to Pual Wbee!!!"
"Erk" replied Jimblewix.

Jimblewix reached into his satchel (very fashionable for a marsupial to carry) and brought out all of his cocaine-impregnated flapjack.

The Flapjack Monster grabbed it out of his hand, and Jimble went back to his VDT~0...

Welcome to Grandad PACX 200  (Computing Service - node bleed)
You are Subscriber JW000001

Type the name of the service required, or HELP, then press RETURN:

Jimblewix typed "cs.mvax"

Welcome to CS.MVAX - now strap Brian Blessed to the freezer to
complete the connection.

Broom University Computer Science - Miggyvax-II (VMS)

Username: JIMBLEWIX
Password:

Jimble typed his password.

WELCOME OH GREAT ONE flashed up the screen

The command prompt appeared.

Jimble read his mailbox. To his horror he discovered, that in his absence something absolutely horrific had happened.

What had happened was this.

His brother Migglezimblatt had had all his areas locked and after an intensive session of interrogation in a small cell in the dungeons, had confessed to everything, including who he had copied his prolog assignment off and who the inner cell of that brave(ish) band of heros, SERF were.

SERF had attempted to kidnap the VC but the latter's chauffeur had turned out to be the White Avenger, who had buried them alive under a false floor in the Motorhead Tower.

Meanwhile SysAdmin had recaptured multics and were not letting any users log in, for security reasons (that's how it got a B2 rating - when nobody's on it's pretty secure).

All this was related by a mysterious hacker in Worrik, who was the only interesting person left on the net.

This looked like...

Certain Boredom.

That's right.

Oh well, said Jimblewix, twiddling his claws.

After 5 hours of twiddling his claws he decided to find an APB machine.

But there happened not to be one in the vicinity (upper Tibet).

So he decided there was only one thing left to do.

Unfortunately, he'd forgotten what it was.

Meanwhile Miggy was locked in a prison cell. After his return from Milton Keynes he had been cruelly tortured by SysAdmin, for reasons that he couldn't understand... but they said it was something to do with a program that made multics fart every time Jimi Hendryx logged on.

Miggy, however, was not to be outdone. A visiting SERF revolutionary had sneaked him a chemistry set, and Miggy was busy trying to make some explosives.

He had mixed together nitric acid, pltutonium, flourine, phosphorous and just a hint of garlic. Suddenly there was a rap at the door.

Hello Door, my names Bob
You mightn't believe it
But I've got a big job
Everyone calls by the boss
But I know they couldn't give a monkey
Hey woweeeee zonk zonk!

Miggy dropped the test tube. [f/x CCCCCEEERRRRAAAKKKKKK] it went, and there was a blinding flash.

Miggy fainted.

When he came to, this is what he saw, a hippy coming through the door. He could hang around no more, as his prison cell was a bit of a bore. So he polished up his claws, and along the floor he tore, until he had reached the hole, and then, like a mole, he found it all rather drole, grabbed his water bowl and...

                    F
                     E
                      L
                       L
                       |
                       |
                       |
                       |
                       |
                       |
                       |
                       *
                       v

He landed in a dingy sub-sub-basement on a pile of 8" floppy disks, from which a cloud of dust rose. Miggy breathed in some of the dust and rose up into the air again.

He looked around him. He was in a brick space through which lots of heating pipes ran, lit by a dim red light. In one corner was Mcvax the wombat and Pal Kenzie having it away on the router cabinet, and in another a silent hacker intercepting the signals to and from the termi in Bob's office on a laptop. Miggy crawled along a heating pipe and soon passed into another room.

Someone had obviously been cooking, for on a table was a tray of flapjack. Miggy grabbed a slice and munched it. Suddenly he felt very strange, and the wrold started to shimmer around him... then it resolved itself...

Miggy found himself on top of a mountain in Tibet with the wreckage of an airliner all around him and his brother Jimblewix playing After Burner nearby...

"How odd" he thought.

Jimblewix was in trouble.

He was being attacked by waves of helicopters and bombers, was being chased by 3 missiles, and a jet fighter. He was on level 23 and was on his last man.

Suddenly, he felt a crushing blow to his shoulders and collapsed...

Yeee-hah, thought Miggy, grabbing the controls, now I can get my name to the top of the high score table... Yipeeeeeee!

"Wowweeee" thought Miggy as he landed on the aircraft carrier... "if my mates could see me now."

Miggy was just about to put his name in when the Flapjack Monster leapt out from behind a bush

"Neeeeeeargh!!!" went the monster
"Neeeeeeargh!!!" went Miggy, as he jumped down from the machine and started to run.
"Neeeeeeargh!!!" went Jimblewix as Miggy stood on his soft parts.

This looked Like Certain lack of Flapjack....

Miggy darted underneath a piece of wreckage, closely followed by Jimblewix.

"Neeeeeaaaaargh!!!" they both cried

Jimblewix reached for his satchel...

"Hey! That's mine!" yelled Miggy, grabbing it from him...
"Nooooooo..." replied Jimblewix

The Flapjack Monster was tearing towards them...

"Quick!" screamed Jimble, "throw him some flapjack"
"What this?" cried Miggy, taking a bite...
"Nooooooo..." replied Jimblewix
"Yum this is nice, can I have some more?"
"Nooooooo..." replied Jimblewix
"Mmmm... zonk... zonk... freeoooow........ yeeeeHAH!" said Miggy as he floated off into another dimesion...

The sky turned pink, and Miggy floated off, not noticing the sounds of mayhem going on below...

"Get off me you daft bugger" shouted Jimble, as the flapjack monster plucked his fur out, looking for the flapjack.
"Urrrggh... urggrgrghhrggh...." cried the monster, who seemed to have lost all powers of speech

Miggy meanwhile was going "Zonk! Zonk! Freeeow! YeeeHAH!" several times a minute.

Then the earth started to shake. Rumble rumble, it went.

Both the Flapjack Monster and Jimblewix looked around in horror.

Out of the ground rose a huge mountain of flapjack...

And on top was a wombat made out of bits of meccano...

"Right you bastard!" it yelled "I'll teach you to meddle with genetics!!!"

"Neeeeeeargh!!!" went the monster
"Neeeeeeargh!!!" went Jimblewix
"Mmmm.... zonk.... zonk... freeoooow........ yeeeeHAH!" said Miggy.

Meanwhile back in the Arson-Webb building in The University of Broom, that infamous secretary Cathy Heathcliffe (who had been reincarnated specially for this chapter) took it into her head to open up Miggy's locker, and discovered:

• 101 empty Newky Brown bottles (in various states of decay)
• a large window box full of white powder
• a flatulent dinosaur who introduced himself as Rex
• various bits of Pual Wbee
• an air freshener
• a Zenith^TM Z183 lap-top micro with hard disc drive and uniquely readable super-twist screen!
• randy Rev. Richard
• daemon shimsherodin
• and most of the signs of the doors in the department which somehow they hadn't noticed were missing...

So she called S'cur'y, who promptly ignoreed them, and were only roused when they heard the loud clattering of collapsing Newky Brown bottles.

Unfortunately they were to late to save Cathy, so they went back to sleep.

And when s'cur'y went to sleep, all their friends went to sleep, professor Yaffle became an old wooden book end, Cathy Heathcliffe became an old rag doll, and s'cur'y were once again saggy old useless men...

Meanwhile, back in Tibet...

"Grrroowwwlllll" went the bionic wombat
"Neeeurgh" cried the Flapjack Monster

They started to fight each other...

POW! ZAP! BIFF! BOING! KERPOW! ZONK!

Meanwhile, Jimblewix was busy stuffing as much flapjack into the satchel as possible. There was still the problem of what to do with Miggy. So Jimblewix tied some string around Miggy's foot, and used him as a balloon to escape from Tibet.

It was while they were floating over some dirty industrial city that a Jumbo flew overhead.

The noise woke Miggy up.

They started to fall.

Was this Certain Death?

Fortunately no, Certain Death was having his third packet of Jaffa Cakes^TM that morning, so they both landed in a large snowdrift next to a pinky-mauvy-orangy-russet fiat.

"Ouch!" said Miggy.
"MMMMMMfffffff!" said Jimbles, because Miggy was sitting on him.
"GGGGGGrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!" said the bionic wombat which had decided to follow them...

"Quick, in here!" shouted Jimblewix, as they entered a large, domed building.

The large domed build looked to Jimblewix, something rather akin to the Kremlin.

"Oh wow," thought Miggy "this looks like..."

Miggy's thought was cut short by a large, and very greasy, blob of hair which had just swung across the hall yelling "Give meee a fiiiix!!!!!"

The greasy blob of hair landed behind Miggy and Jimble.

[f/x KKKKKEEERUNCH!] went the bionic wolf.
"Oh, wow, heaaavvyyyyy" exclaimed the greasy blob of hair.

Miggy and Jimblwix ran straight ahead, until they were sitting on top of the organ in the Great Hall.

Daemon got out a copy of "Toccatta and Fugue"

Duuuu-aaahahhhh-arrrrrr-duuuurrr-urrrr-urrrr-urrrr-urrrr-ah swelled the organ.

Miggy and Jimble were still crouched in an organ pipe. So far, they had been fairly safe, despite the terrible noise. However, Daemon suddenly started playing those bits where it gets all fiddly and the organist shifts through 100 metres of keyboard in about 10 seconds.

DUUUUUUUUUUUUR went the organ at one particular point. It just happened to be the point when Miggy and Jimble shot out of the pipe at 200mph and magically found themselves with concussion, sitting next to a hole in the floor in the Arson-Webb dark raised-off-the-ground sort of attic above the main entrance.

"Coorr... look at this," said Miggy pointing to a page of a 60's Playboy...

"Coorr... look at this," said Jimblewix, who had accidentally wandered along one of those mysterious passages people keep mysteriously accidentally wandering along... Miggy followed him and saw that they were in the dome over the VC's office. In front of them was a shiny black helicopter with red, yellow and blue markings and lots of university crests. Sitting in it reading the Sun was the VC's chauffeur.

"Here, have some flapjack" said Jimbles, offering the human a piece out of his (or Miggy's) satchel. The chauffeur munched a slab, and promptly floated off into a totally subjective plane of reality.

"Yeah!" shouted Miggy, and they dived into the chopper. Miggy hit a control, and the dome above them folded gracefully open. The chopper lifted jerkily up and they headed swervingly towards Big Joe.

Unfortunately scuri'y were already onto them and a fleet of helicopter gunships were rising from the depths of the maths building.

"Do you know how to fly a helicopter?" asked Miggy
"No, do you?"
"No."
"Fine, we'll do it together." they said, and wobbled over towards the Guild.

Hardly had they reached this point when some clever bod in space research located the frequency of the chopper's remote controls, and in the ensuing struggle the helicopter crashed into the roof of a nearby building.

With horror, Miggy and Jimbles realised that they were in the loft of the dreaded University House (UH)... what fate awaited them now?

Certain Death perhaps?

Miggy and Jimblewix looked around.

Miggy saw somebody he recognised.

The somebody was Kim Bolton.

Kim was nailed to a wall and was being pelted with maggots by two slimy Mechanical Engineers who promptly ran away.

Kim wasn't looking happy.

Neither was anybody else in the loft. Many were being tortured, some were even being forced to eat UH food.

"Errr..." said Miggleziblatt - and fainted...
"Oh, hiya Kim" said Jimblewix "eerr... I didn't know that this was you kinda scene..."
"It's not.." replied Kim "It's just one of those great rumours that UH is a nice place to live. We have to keep up the pretence, else they'll make us do Electronic Engineering"
"Hmmm..." nodded Jimblewix, glancing at some of the dark shapes now circulating around.
"You see," continued Kim "we have to make UH desirable, so that people strive to get in here only to find that it is, in fact, a hell-hole. Worse than the Mermaid Bar, in fact."
"Errr.. yeah." murmured Jimble, noticing that the number of dark objects had multiplied.
"Then they do some really disgusting things to us..."
"Oh yeah... like what?" queried Jimble, thinking of some really disgusting things that he could do to Kim Bolton right now....

"Like reading rebdrick, or producing it withot a speling-cheker"

Jimblewix ferreted about in his satchel, and removed...

...some tickets for Amadeus.

"Do you like theatre?" he asked Kim.

"No but I'm dying for a fuck" she replied.

"Oh wow!" thought Jimblewix.

But just as he was about to have a good time... something terrible happened...

Kim was struck by a bolt of lightning and fell dead and charred.

A pack of rabid civil engineers came along and started doing something perverted to Kim with a Ghastlies hotdog sausage.

This made Jimbles feel hungry, so he rummaged in his satchel for some flapjack, but before he could find any he came across a lumpy metal object. Taking it out, he discovered it was none other than Anne Droid, configured as a digital cash register. Swiftly reconfiguring Anne Droid into resuscitation unit he revived Miggy, and so they escaped from UH.

Night was falling, so they headed for the Guild to see Amadeus. But suddenly an apparition appeared in front of them, it was none other than the mass murderer technician from Arson-Webb!

He looked like...

The mass murderer technician from Arson-Webb.

He was holding Kim, who was looking extremely suntanned.

"Errr... hi," saig Middy and mimjeliwx in unison.

suddenly they saw the skin peel away from Kim and she was exposed for what she really was...

Bernard Manning.

"Ohmigodohmigodohmigodohmigodohmigodohmigod" said Jimblewix.

The mass murderer dropped the dead Bernard Manning and advanced on MZ and JW to see if they had got the real (ie alive) Kim Bolton.

At that moment something happened

It was in fact saga cliche no. 37

It was the arrival of 3 dozen Bob the Hippys, parachuting down from a passing jumbo jet...

"Ohmigodohmigodohmigodohmigodohmigodohmigod" said Jimblewix.

"Quick... in here" shouted Jimblewix, as he and Miggy dived into a Green 2CV6 with a large sticker on the back proclaiming...

NUCLEAR POWER - YES PLEASE

Miggy quickly hotwired the 2CV, stuck the car into first and jumped down onto the accelerator....

"Yeaargh!" shouted Jimblewix as the car lurched forwards.
"Steer, you bugger" replied Miggy as they acceleated towards the little hut where security guards operate the barrier near the Guild
"Yeaargh!" shouted Jimblewix...

"Crash smash splinter pling" went the little hut.

"How are we doing?" asked Miggy pressing harder on the accelerator.
"I don't know, the windscreen wipers can't cope with the chunks of little hut" said Jwx. Through the side windows they saw education faculty flash past. Then, inevitably, they hit a speed bump and the 2CV cartwheeled high into the air.

With a crash and a tinkle they went through a glass wall and rolled to a stop.

They climbed out of the car, much to the surprise of a group of SERF revolutionaries trying to have a serious committee meeting in the Motorhead Tower paternosters.

The button marked 10 went "ouch" and the lift plummeted towards the bottom of the shaft...

While the lift was too busy plummetting to notice anything else, Miggy plugged in a small telephone and tried to work out how to dial out with reversed charges...

But still the lift plummetted...

                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        |
                                        _
                                       |_|
                                        .
                                        .
                                        .
                                        .
                                        .
                                        V

Meanwhile Miggy, Jimblewix and a very battered 2CV were floating about inside, unaware of the speed that they were doing.

Three hours later, they were still falling. Miggy couldn't get through to the operator.

Suddenly the lift stopped.

Miggy and Jimlbewix peered about.

The doors opened.

Miggy and Jimlbewix peered about. This time with more success.

It appeared to be the set of an Australian Soap opera.

"Ohmigodohmigodohmigodohmigodohmigodohmigod" said Jimblewix.

This looked like Certain Cliches.

There was only one thing to do.

Miggy hit the button marked 10 again....

The lift stopped.

And in walked.....

Captain Polar and his Amazing Performing Mule.

Or actually, Captain Polar with a very docile looking animal, who just happened to be called Myfanwy.

Captain Polar was made entirely out of plastic and had a large embossed badge on his back with the word Mattel written on it.

"Erm, what does your amazing performing mule actually do?" asked Miggy.
"And why did you use multics generate_word to choose its name?" added Jimblewix.
"Creak splutter" went the squashed 2CV.
"Hee-haw" voiced the docile animal.
"Eerrrrrr..." began Captain Mattel Polar...

..." it's Welsh actually. Myfanwy, that is. And she... well, she... she doesn't do much in fact until I do this..."

Captain Polar lifted what appeared to be a plastic shotgun from his backpack and shouted the phrase

"By the power of four AA rechargables! I have the power!"

Myfanwy's eyes started to flash glowing red. There was a flash and a thunderclap and the rather cute docile donkey had suddenly changed into a rather tasteless plastic animal...

It could crunch an Amstrad PC in its jaws...

It could calculate pi to 8 decimal places at the speed of multics on a tuesday afternoon...

It could detect and avoid a mechanical engineer at 20 metres...

It was painted bright ICL^TM orange...

It was in fact a bionic mule.

Miggy and Jimbles suddenly felt like a stroll at this point so they stepped outside the lift, only to find that the film crew had gone home and they were alone in the middle of the australian outback, except for McVax the wombat and Pal Kenzie, who were sitting on a rock sipping Grand Marnier and admiring the sunset. There was also Dentarthurdent the tasmanian wolf still asleep.

Meanwhile, Captain Polar and Myfanwy decided to press the button marked G

Unknown to them, G stood for God, and when they got out of the lift, they found themselves in God's office.

God was out. But he was still in his office.

Captain Polar and Myfanwy left hurridley. They took a sort of leftish turn, only to find that they were in a room full of Suns.

There were also a few copies of the Mirror.

"Bugger this" exclaimed Captain Polar.

Myfanwy looked at Captain Polar nervously, and started backing up towards the wall.

"Follow me" said Captain Polar, waving his plastic shotgun into that passageway that goes off into the depths of the building.

Myfanwy and Captain Polar set off.

Little did they know, that at the end of the passage was the office of...

Meanwhile, Miggy and Jimbles were still wandering - in fact considering that they had only been wondering for two chapters they had wandered an awfully long way; the 2CV had fallen to pieces a few miles ago, and as they approached the Australian beach infront of them only one plastic wheel rolled along behind them.

The beach was a pretty normal sort of beach as beaches go in fact since it was completely empty (with the exclusion of a few obligatory empty larger cans) it was a pretty boring sort of beach. The sand was too dry to make sandcastles using the tins and the sun was beating down, so the two wombats decided to go for a swim...

Meanwhile, Dentarthurdent, Mcvax and Pal Kenzie decided to get in on the action, so they got into the nearest paternoster, and, a few hours later, arrived in the sub-basement of the Broom University Library. They escaped from this without too much adventure except having a huge heap of uncollected new library cards collapse on them. Then they went over to the Arson-Webb building.

As they were strolling downstairs, something McVax was smoking set off a fire alarm, but they ignored the crowds of panicking freshers and accounts staff rushing back up the stairs past them and continued to the dungeons to find Captain Polar.

They walked along a corridor, and found a half-open door marked "Prof. C De'Ath", from which straaaaaaaange noises were coming...

"Ooooooooooh wow!" went the Prof "Captain Polar!"

Saying this, the Prof stopped eating his Jaffa Cake and proceeded to remove his

entire collection of 3 inch high

Captain Polar series plastic figures. He head Captain Polar, Myfanwy, Glurge the Impregnable, Dodgy Gavin, and the very latest version of Hendryx.SysBastard.

"And I've got all your comics too..." said Certain indicating rows upon row of bookshelf crammed with glossy comics.
"And, I've got this..." Certain picked up a copy of The Pervy exploits of Captain Polar and Myfanwy "I didn't know that you..."

At that point Captain Polar blasted Certain Death to bits with his shotgun.

Unknown to the intrepid adventurers listening to this, the fire had weaked the walls of the building, and Bob's stash was about to fall on their heads. This looked like Certain Death.

McVax was just wondering how a situation could look like lots of blasted - apart sickly blobs of Certain Death when...

Suddenly McVax was covered in blasted-apart sicky bits of a dead Bob the Hippy clone.

They were being thrown at him by the 35 other hippies who had recently parachuted down outside UH (one had exploded on impact), and a couple of Kim Bolton clones (no-one knew how they had got here).

Just then Captain Polar and Myfanwy jumped out of the door (it was a very spacious door and there had been plenty of room for them inside it) and slammed it shut pico-seconds before the roof inside collapsed.

Meanwhile the heat from all the suns there were around had started a real fire, they had set an ADM3A on fire, which was burning merrily.

"Ho ho ho," it crackled.

And when the sprinklers started to spray vodka everywhere, everybody knew what to think, ie this was certain silliness.

"Woof" went Myfanwy as she went up in flames.

Captain Polar grabbed a fire extinguiser and put Myfanwy out. Luckily she was made of fire-proof plastic so she wasn't badly damaged. All the same, it was a pretty lucky escape.

Suddenly, Arson-Webb keeled over and collapsed on our intrepid band. There was absolutely no chance of surviving. None whatsoever. It was Certain Death.

However. Certain Death was dead. So they got through it all with the minimum of hassle. Then the ground opened up beneath them, and they fell five miles into a roaring inferno that just happened to be there. It was at this stage that Captain Polar dented his shotgun slightly.

Then the planet exploded completely.

All that happened was all the inhabitants looked rather startled as they flew off into space. A few had bruises. One or two quite nasty ones.

Myfanwy, Captain Polar, Dentarthurdent, Pal Kenzie, McVax and Anne-Droid were heading straight for the sun. They passed right through it, merely a little dazzled.

Miggy and Jimblewix landed on Jupiter, dumbfounded by what happened.

Then God realised that all these people were escaping Certain Death 'cos he was dead... and as such the Certain Death situation that Certain Death had gotten himself into was self-contradictionary.

"Bugger this" said God, and went to have a bath.

Then... disaster struck!

Many events occurred after the Great Unfortunate Saga Deletion, the details of which are now lost forever.