The Fourth Saga of Migglezimblatt the Wombat

Once upon a time there was a small furry ball by the side of a muddy road in the Australian outback.

The small furry ball blinked, rubbed his eyes and yawned.

The small furry ball was, in fact, Jimblewix the Wombat, who happened to be Migglezimblatt's brother.

He looked around for breakfast. He could see the following:

• A dingo turd
• An empty can of Fosters
• A large lump of plutonium.

However his audience were not very impressed by this threat. They were:

• A dead dingo
• An empty can of Fosters
• A tasmanian wolf called Dentarthurdent.

Tasmanian wolves are like a cross between a wolf and a wombat, they are nearly extinct, and they do not like being woken up by deranged wombats claiming they're going to blow up the world with a missile made out of empty Foster's cans and lumps of uranium. So Dentarthurdent pressed the launch button on the missile and headed for the nearest beach.

The missile wiped out Belgium, but no-one minded very much.

I mean Belgium man, Belgium

Across the galaxy, the population had to find a replacement for the rudest swearword known to man, woman, or small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the planet, Jimblewix was cowering in a bunker as World War 3 may or may not have been raging overhead.

Suddenly, his radiopager went....

So he opened the door of the inner cell of the bunker a crack...silence. So he opened the door fully, and crept along the concrete corridor...silence. He opened the outer door a crack...silence. So he opened the outer door fully... still silence. So he stepped out into the open air, and a massive obsolete 5-processor multics system crash-landed on his head, driving him into the ground.

Some clever software engineers from Broom had worked out where the missile had come from and decided to pick a fight (well, one wombat against a whole revolutionary front is pretty one-sided).

Dentarthurdent opened one eye, yawned, and went back to sleep.

The crushing blow dealt by the multics was not very severe due to the fact that in reality multics is only 5 networked ZX81's in a large cardboard box with a few flashing lights.

As the multics hit Jimblewix on the head it disintegrated leaving a few obsolete chips lying about.

Now Jimblewix (Jimbles to his friends) not having anything to threaten the remaining part of the world with used the shattered micros to construct some complicated electronical gadgets.

He got a geneticist friend to clone him, then used part of a fosters can to amputate certain of the clone's appendages replacing them with the bionic replacements.

And thus was born the first and only...

"6 BITS OF PLASTIC AND A FEW WIRES HELD ON BY SPIT LEGLESS WOMBAT"

It could destroy cities with a single yawn...

It could see people moving around 100 miles away (well he could if it wasn't for those bloody sanddunes and the curvature of the earth).

It could create sandstorms with a single belch...

It was an awesome beast which then set out on an epic "conquest of the earth"...

Jimbles pondered on the meaning of life as his creation accidentally deposited 2 megatons of wombat dropping on Canberra.

Meanwhile, back in Broom, Migglezimblatt the Wombat was desperately trying to avoid all the fleets of ITN and BBC camera crews going of to film burnt and blasted bits of Belgium, and then claim huge expenses and lots and lots of overtime.

Miggy saw and old banger go past, with a huge TV camera in the back. The car was in a terrible state, and since Miggy was curious (poor TV people are as rare as drug-pushing wombats) he waved them down and got inside.

He suddenly realised that it was in fact the transport of a member of GTV, and it had a huge, very old, EMI colour TV camera in the back.

"Hiya Guys, where are you off to"

"We're going to Oz to cover a huge mutant half wombat, half robot, half megalomaniac who's running amok. We hope to get some coverage so that all of our 9000 viewers can see what's going on down-under!"

Miggy looked around. There were two engineers who had massive key-rings around their belts, and there was someone claiming to be the producer, but who was obviously trying a bit too hard to look like Janet Street-Porter to actually bring it off.

This looks like fun, thought Miggy as he fumbled in his Tesco's carrier bag for his walkman. It was covered in masking tape and only one speaker worked, but it drowned out the singing of the GTV people, which was going...

"That ain't workin'
That's the way to do it
You play the Guitar on the GTV
That ain't workin'
That's the way to do it
With a budget of nothing
And an audience of three..."

"See yonder woman with the earring and the make-up
Yeah, buddy that's her own hair
That yonder woman, she's the producer
And the monkey next to her is an engineer"

Were singin GTV as they drove through Sidney Harbour, with the huge hedgehog-style opera house (it was a VW beetle, so it could float)

When suddenly......

Out of the sky fell a huge mars bar which landed with a soft thud on some large but unimportant building somewhere in Sydney. The GTV crew were so astonished they had to go and film it, unfortunately they were all eaten by a mutant goat and never heard of again in this saga. This left Miggy in a bit of a tiz. What could he do? Here he was surrounded by Foster swigging ozzies and all he had to defend himself with was a slightly worse for wear personal stereo.

So he thought
"bugger this for a game of Andalusian Nose-Flute Warbling"

And hitched a lift on a passing comet, which unfortunately only comes round every 70 odd years...

And so that was the end of him in this saga...