Grieving / Untitled

Grieving, With Two Candles Burning, and Ludwig's Fifth

  Peace has come again
  Oh,  I cried and I cried
  And I lay in bed wanting to cry more 
  And peace came and went
  and I cried some more
  And began to remember where I was
  when this all began,  and to reach
  for that place
  to accept
And realize
    That good people can be in bad situations
    with no blame to be had
 To look back and know
    There was nothing I could have done to make things better
 No more truth I could reveal
 No other burden I could shoulder
 I handled myself as well as anyone could
 And if I did not get what I wanted,
   it was not because I was unworthy,
   but rather because it was not possible
 And if I was being tested by some
   I did not fail, (perhaps I can even be proud of how I did)

And remember
  The human process of acceptance is just that
  a human process,  prone to ebb and flow
  and though I thought I had finished last week
  There is nothing wrong with finding I had barely begun
Peace has come for now, and I know I may, again,
  want to cry (Hey,  it's been a long exhausting day)
In time,  I think, I will find that, while it has been
  difficult,  there has been pain
  that does not matter,
  since I have found another true friend


Dreams die hard
   Perhaps it is only dreams that we grieve
When a person dies,  do we not grieve the passing
  of the dream of spending more time with them
  of getting to know them better
  do we not struggle to release those dreams of them

I remember
  when I came out to my mother
  She suffered grief at the loss of her dreams
  of my marriage
  of my bringing home grandchildren for her
  and other dreams I don't even know
And I tried to help her
  replace those dreams with other positive dreams
And I shared in the process,  the anger
    "Why did you do this to me?"
Had I not asked this same queston of some higher power?
  And there was no blame to be had
I remember
  the dreams I'd lost when I came out to me
  Some half formed,  some ingrained by society
  And how I had no positive dreams to replace them with
  It's funny that
    some of the dreams that took so long to release
  and some of the dreams that I've grown since
    Are very similar,  yet, when I needed to release
  the old ones,  I could not dare dream the new.

And now I am trying
  to replace my dream of you and me
  with a dream of you as my friend

Somehow,  I think the definition I
   use for friendship has grown in the process

Andy Swanson (
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